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I’d just like to start off by saying, no, I am not seeking any form of attention. I just thought this would be a good way of taking precaution’s when it comes to the whole “pouring your heart and soul” into a diary that can be so easily opened and read…not willing to take the risk, and it’s also anonymous. And besides, I’m a guy, so having a diary would only raise more red flags. This is just my way of anonymously describing my struggles with this eating disorder and these self-esteem issues that so willingly haunt me. I know there are more of me out there: girls, usually, and if I’m among one of the few males who do it, then I guess it’s just another thing to add to the list. My condition began very recently, and though I have yet to actually make myself throw up, I’ve experienced the menacing tempting’s of binge-eating already. I’ve found myself stuffing my face with little things, and though I’m healthy, I know that the calories are only counting up. Take today, for example: a light bite of some breads, a pack of Ritz crackers, soup and iced tea, secretly eating that moon-pie that was in the cupboard, a small microwaveable deep-dish pizza and 5 Mozarella-sticks…and then to workout for only 10 minutes tonight? No. I need a do-over. I’ve been trying to get abs for way too long. And that brings me to another thing; I’m not fat, though I used to be chubby. I’ve come a long way from that. I’ve discontinued eating meats and poultry (and that alone in the first two months killed off 27lbs) and I began practicing yoga and aerobics, and I now weigh and look precisely ‘society-approved.’ I’m not all bones, and I certainly don’t intend to be. But I still have self-esteem issues, and I want abs. I cheated today, eating all that junk. But what can I say? I am a stress eater, and I eat when I am bored. I dance through the kitchen and open the fridge, stare around unsatisfied, and then frolic through the cupboards only to find more discontent. I’ve been home on break for this week, and all I can do is eat…because I’m so bored! And when school starts up again, I’ll be too busy to eat! And then I’ll rapidly lose more weight- but what about today? I want those abs! I need to make myself throw up, so that I can start-over fresh with tomorrow’s workout. I really went overboard today…I need to sit here and really empty my system… I understand the condition that I’m in, and I know it should raise great concern, but I’m keeping these entries just to reflect on them later. Much later. But for now, I need to rid myself of my disgusting contents.